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Dear Maureen, 
I have a sensitive dilemma. I have a dear friend who has very unruly children. I want to invite my friend and her husband to dinner parties, Bar-B-Qs and other social events, but I hesitate because this couple brings their children EVERYWHERE. In the past, I have invited the whole family and hoped that the kids would behave, but, as these children get older, their behavior is worsening. They are not respectful of adults, they don’t demonstrate any table manners, they are careless with my possessions and they are constantly interrupting adult conversations with typical childish nonsense.  I fear that this friendship is going to disintegrate if my friend continues to tote her kids to my home for every last event. What can I do?

Best wishes,
N
 

Dear N, 

Believe it or not, your predicament is not unusual, (though, of course, knowing this doesn’t make it any better). Many couples are absolutely oblivious when it comes to enforcing civilized standards on their children’s behavior. As a consequence everyone suffers—including the kids, who are distained because of their own ignorant conduct. I’m always surprised that parents who fill their child’s every waking hour with piano, dance, soccer, Ti Kwan Do, art, drama and cooking classes neglect to teach their progeny the most basic niceties of  proper comportment.  We aren’t talking curtseys and white gloves, just basic courtesy. It’s all very sad.

My advice is to be armed with the name of a great babysitter before you invite your friend to your next event. You may say, “Hi Susan, Bob and I are hosting an adult only dinner party a week from Saturday and we’d love for you and Adolfo to attend. I know a great, responsible teenager who could take care of little Pebbles and Bam-Bam. I’ve used her many times for my own kids and they just adore her. I’m afraid I must insist that this be an adults only gathering. I hope you can make it.”

 If she says she can’t attend without the kids, tell her you’ll miss seeing her at your party. Don’t capitulate. Your friend needs to know your boundaries and respect them.

Maureen@highroadsolutions.com

Editor's Note: Maureen Wild produces this monthly column for UPBEAT NEWS and welcomes your questions. Maureen is a certified etiquette and ethics trainer with credentials from The Protocol School of Washington and The Josephson Institute of Ethics. She has led seminars for many Fortune 500 companies and prominent colleges and universities. Wild has also been active in Meeting Professionals International and is a member of the National Speakers Association. Most recently she has been quoted in The New York Times Sunday business section "O," the Oprah magazine and Self Magazine. Recently, she was certified by the State of NJ to mentor small business owners. Maureen has been interviewed on matters of ethics and etiquette for national television and radio programs. You may reach her at: Maureen@highroadsolutions.com or 908-722-2077. When writing to her, please mention you read about her in UPBEAT NEWS.

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